it must be the hormones. PMS.
I hope it is coz I just want this over sensitive, emotional, negative, depressed stage to be over.
I don't get it. I don't get me. The slightest things make me feel disconnected from the people around me. It's like, I am retracting myself from what's happening around me in order to avoid being affected -- hurt. It's been a little roller coaster for me for only one aspect of my life...but 2 fridays ago, I noticed that I'd have non talkative moods that I wished I wasn't noticed at all at work. I'd choose the conversations and would not be sociable. Then there was last Friday that I became sensitive over a joke from Moe. I didn't realize that I was upset about it until after. It was like i was blocking out what happened while it was happening and I can't remember details. I just remember clearly that I said "not interested" and that was already sarcasm bordering nasty. I didn't deal with it well. Instead of trying to make things better with Moe when he apologized thru text, I continued to feel upset -- yet trying to get over it. It felt more like, trying to to feel anything.
And now, my shunning the world (or just 1 person), has escalated to being embarrassed that I got upset...and has made me feel weird, and cautious towards Moe. I'm not sure if he thinks i'm still mad...or i'm just not interacting with him. Pero it just feels weird to feel close to him like it was before. It's like i crossed a line and can't go back. And that also makes me just want to crawl back into my cave.
Mood swings, when are you going to end? I feel like the life got squeezed out of me. I feel cynical things in the real world will not go my way. It's like i'm waiting for the next mistake to come my way...and so i'm just crawling back into my cave.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Friday, April 02, 2010
Lenten Reflection via the virtual retreat from Fr. Ted
Day 1: The Ladder of Temptations
Lord, i have lost touch with you. I have been complacent in nourishing our relationship that I let my sins and shame get in the way of spending time with you. Like the prodigal son, I ran away from you. But I know that life is not meaningful without you. Yet I can't get back to you. I don't know how to. I try to do good deeds and follow your commandments yet I doubt myself if I do this for Your glory...or is it for my own. I yearn to strengthen my relationship with you! I want to know you more! I want to fall in love with you! Why can't it be just simple, why do i have to make things too complicated? Or do i really? Grant me the grace, Lord, to decipher whether this road back to you is really difficult. Is it something I have to earn first by learning more about you thru the doctrine? Am i just impatient? Or am i doing things wrong and thinking too much -- preventing myself from actually rebuilding the relationship.
Grant me the humility, above all things, to acknowledge my weaknesses. I think that in doing so, I will be more aware of my other shortcomings that prevent me to return to you. Grant me the wisdom to hear you and see you in the daily happenings of my life. Grant me the silence in my heart so I can turn off distractions and focus my attention on you.
Day 2: The Ladder of Trials
HOW MUCH CONFIDENCE DO YOU SHOW IN THE LOVING PROVIDENCE OF GOD? I know this in my mind...but I find myself wanting to feel it in my heart. Knowing is not the same as believing and having faith. I do have faith, but maybe I do not see God's providence in the simple and everyday events in my life.
I am actually lucky to have been blessed with a goodlife. I have loving parents, we have the things we need - a beautiful house, a great community, healthy bodies, great working atmosphere and officemates who are God fearing.
Maybe one of the things why I do not blame God for my seemingly suffering is that I firmly believe that I brought these things upon myself. Looking back, the biggest trials seem to be related to Alan. But in both cases instead of feeling abandoned i felt that i was being called. Called back. Maybe for some time i felt emptied, but it was because I failed to see what I had gained by taking that away. I was not seeing clearly that it was God's will and He has a greater plan for me. Maybe the difficulty God is distinguishing whether things that happen is part of your plan or is this something that we brought upon ourself. Like a consequence of wrong doing. I know you are a merciful and forgiving God, but I can't help myself from thinking that.
"Your experience of nothingness is God's way of telling you, 'I am your ALL.' "
Lk. 23:46 Father, into your hands I commend my spirit
Day 2: The Ladder of Truth
Bring to Jesus your heart. Allow Him to fill it with meaning. Talk to Him on how to find
His will... Ask God to reveal to you your purpose in life, that which you are most passionate about. What is first in your life?
Isn't this just timely?
Lord, i have lost touch with you. I have been complacent in nourishing our relationship that I let my sins and shame get in the way of spending time with you. Like the prodigal son, I ran away from you. But I know that life is not meaningful without you. Yet I can't get back to you. I don't know how to. I try to do good deeds and follow your commandments yet I doubt myself if I do this for Your glory...or is it for my own. I yearn to strengthen my relationship with you! I want to know you more! I want to fall in love with you! Why can't it be just simple, why do i have to make things too complicated? Or do i really? Grant me the grace, Lord, to decipher whether this road back to you is really difficult. Is it something I have to earn first by learning more about you thru the doctrine? Am i just impatient? Or am i doing things wrong and thinking too much -- preventing myself from actually rebuilding the relationship.
Grant me the humility, above all things, to acknowledge my weaknesses. I think that in doing so, I will be more aware of my other shortcomings that prevent me to return to you. Grant me the wisdom to hear you and see you in the daily happenings of my life. Grant me the silence in my heart so I can turn off distractions and focus my attention on you.
Day 2: The Ladder of Trials
HOW MUCH CONFIDENCE DO YOU SHOW IN THE LOVING PROVIDENCE OF GOD? I know this in my mind...but I find myself wanting to feel it in my heart. Knowing is not the same as believing and having faith. I do have faith, but maybe I do not see God's providence in the simple and everyday events in my life.
I am actually lucky to have been blessed with a goodlife. I have loving parents, we have the things we need - a beautiful house, a great community, healthy bodies, great working atmosphere and officemates who are God fearing.
Maybe one of the things why I do not blame God for my seemingly suffering is that I firmly believe that I brought these things upon myself. Looking back, the biggest trials seem to be related to Alan. But in both cases instead of feeling abandoned i felt that i was being called. Called back. Maybe for some time i felt emptied, but it was because I failed to see what I had gained by taking that away. I was not seeing clearly that it was God's will and He has a greater plan for me. Maybe the difficulty God is distinguishing whether things that happen is part of your plan or is this something that we brought upon ourself. Like a consequence of wrong doing. I know you are a merciful and forgiving God, but I can't help myself from thinking that.
"Your experience of nothingness is God's way of telling you, 'I am your ALL.' "
Lk. 23:46 Father, into your hands I commend my spirit
Day 2: The Ladder of Truth
Bring to Jesus your heart. Allow Him to fill it with meaning. Talk to Him on how to find
His will... Ask God to reveal to you your purpose in life, that which you are most passionate about. What is first in your life?
Isn't this just timely?
Monday, March 15, 2010
First of many dates
Last weekend, I went on a long overdue date with God called Life's Directions retreat. It has been a while (around 9 years) since my last retreat in Baguio with Fr. Reuter. I couldn't postpone this any longer. Two years ago, I really felt that I was in a quarter life crisis (even before all the engagement stuff happened). It was because after nearly 25 years, I didn't make sense of my life. I didn't know if what I had done mattered, and more so I had no idea where I was going.
I don't want to get into the retreat details, but I would like to share the most memorable quote I got from Hector.
The retreat is the first of many more dates I'll have with the Lord. :D
I don't want to get into the retreat details, but I would like to share the most memorable quote I got from Hector.
Kailangan magtugma ang plano namin ni Lord. Kaya kailangan naming mag-usap ng Diyos lagi.
The retreat is the first of many more dates I'll have with the Lord. :D
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
27 things when I was 27
1. Watch hot air balloon -- Feb. 14, 2010 with singles club :)
2. Cheese and wine night with HS friends at Barcino on February 20. It was a fun night since there were a lot of us who made it -- imagine we were 10! We celebrated birthdays for January and February and Bunny passing the nursing exam. It was a night of planning for weddings to come (Be and SCs) and a night of guessing if boy or girl ang baby ni Ninay. I love my girls!!
3. Ran 10k in 01:15:47 in the Unilab's Run United event last March 7. I didn't know how i'd make it since I didn't have time to really practice. I'm so happy I finished under 1:30! I think I'll take a break from these runs...mejo trauma pa ang legs ko. Plus napapansin ko lumalakas ako kumain pag tumatakbo. hehehe
4. Went to a retreat, Life's Directions, with Eleni and Moe last March 12 to 14 at Karis Retreat house, Tagaytay. We actually don't have a picture the three of us together (as proof) -- sayang. It was a good weekend spent with friends and most specially with the Lord. A long overdue date (with God). :)
5. Rode a human gyro ride last March 20 at the Philippine Science Centrum in Marikina
6. March 21, Watched a movie alone. This became more literal than I expected -- because I had nothing to do on a Sunday afternoon I decided to finally try watching a movie alone. So I chose "Remember Me" as recommended by Ponch. Hala! When I entered the cinema, only another couple was watching. May up and down pa yun cinema so I was literally alone sa down area. hahahha creepy but nice na din. :) Mental note to self, next time watch a more popular movie so that there are other people around. Creepy yun thought that some creep might just sit beside you and you have no one to shout for!
7. Belly, belly, belly dancing! March 25 with officemates... Patricia Rimando invited her friend from college, Nina to teach us! We weren't very good but it was an experience... it's a good workout too! hahaha
8. Australia!! Sydney opera house, blue mountains, taronga, 12 apostles and the great ocean rode adventure, philip island and the penguin parade, up close and personal with a koala (no platypus sightings though), puffing billy
9. Milked a cow in the philip island farm
10. Had a long conversation / series of conversations with a guy stranger from the plane from Sydney to Manila
11. Wicked!!
12. Devonshire tea and high tea with Blanchita
13. Go on EMEA shift and thriving :)
14. Go out with strangers -- from LD batch 81. It was uncharacteristic of me to join a group of people whom I dont know well and present myself to join their gimmick. Good thing Len and I just took a chance and showed up in their laser tag gimmick! It's nice to meet new people... it's fun. It makes me feel free and happy again. :)
15. Finished a bottle of wine with Gino last July 31 to celebrate his and Chesca's birthday! It was a first time to have inuman with him...and just stay up all night making kwento. =)
16. Traveled to Germany...alone! This was for an almost 3 week business trip. On weekends I planned trips to Frankfurt on the first weekend, then Heidelberg on the 2nd weekend, then Hannover on the last weekend to visit Cathy. I also managed to do #17!!
17. Visit Paris!! ...and most important, do a jumpshot in front of the eiffel tower! hahaha. KG's friend, Grem, was super accommodating and brought me around...in 1 day! It was a short side trip before I flew back to Manila but I'm definitely going back... hopefully with Chesca (since we planned this like forever!).
18. Drink and appreciate beer -- this happened in Germany where the friends I made introduced me to different types of beers and blends. I like the radler beer (almost 50-50 with lemonade) because it's light but still tastes like beer and the other mix with grapefruit juice -- which actually tastes more like juice than beer. Thanks to Marieta & Richie, Taty and Susanne for introducing me to the beers! I think I drank more alcohol in those 3 weeks than in the first 6 months of this year. hahaha
19. One of my other "single" goals was to eat alone in a restaurant (just like in the movie) and I was able to successfully do this in Germany...of course! A lot of my meals I spent inside the hotel or just like a fast food chain/take out counter so it wasn't very awkward. And despite doing a lot of other things alone, I still had to gather courage to go to a restaurant and sit there, order, and eat alone. I did my best not to hurry eating and just leave. Net-net, i must say that food is still best experienced when shared. :)
20. Sing in front of strangers! It was a slow Friday night at Kiss the Cook resto of Waya and they had a guitarist. It took a looooong while before I actually gathered the courage to volunteer, and more so to sing. Wheeeeew. I can't say I sounded good, but at least I did it! Red-face and all afterwards. hahaha Not to downgrade this accomplishment, but there was around only 6 other people in the room -- including Gabe Mercado who was also dining there. Pressure noh, kse he was also singing some songs.
21. Fed my soul-- attended a short course at the Loyola School of Theology (Spirituality for Act II of your Life) which turned out to be more for middle aged people! Haha. But in any case, I was able to pick up a few items to think about regarding myself, my relationship with God, and how I should be approaching this life. I have definitely acknowledged things that have been holding me back (like fear!) and have started thinking about what my life project should be. But importantly, I have realized that I should always keep focusing on nurturing my talents because this is a form of praising God and will prepare me for my life project. :) - September 7 to October 12 (Tuesdays)
22. Namaste! I have tried Bikram yoga at Eastwood during my week long leave... it was a trial promo for beginners and I was able to attend 6 of the 7 day trial. I am not sure though how often I'm planning to continue because as much as I like being all calm and flexible, it is a little routinary. September 28 to October 4
23. 10/01/10 - John Mayer Concert!!!! "You waited 5 months...and it rains." That's what he said seeing the full crowd under a wave of umbrellas and rain coats. It was soooo awaited that even rain did not stop us from staying outside and watching him play. He was amazing. Great guitar, great vocals. Too bad he couldn't play all of my favorite songs (like Love Song for No One) but at least he was able to sing Why Georgia, No such thing, half of my heart, She Says.
24. I'm now a Ninang! Anduin (Ninay's baby) is my first inaanak sa binyag
25. [Nov 13] Boracay baby! beach, booze, bikini :P
26. Master chef Mendoza! My first try at bread with sticky pecan rolls [November 16]
Cheese fondou c/o Lalee but plating by me hehehe
27. Completed simbang gabi :)
nice to do:
target weight / waistline --> target is 120
baking classes
2. Cheese and wine night with HS friends at Barcino on February 20. It was a fun night since there were a lot of us who made it -- imagine we were 10! We celebrated birthdays for January and February and Bunny passing the nursing exam. It was a night of planning for weddings to come (Be and SCs) and a night of guessing if boy or girl ang baby ni Ninay. I love my girls!!
3. Ran 10k in 01:15:47 in the Unilab's Run United event last March 7. I didn't know how i'd make it since I didn't have time to really practice. I'm so happy I finished under 1:30! I think I'll take a break from these runs...mejo trauma pa ang legs ko. Plus napapansin ko lumalakas ako kumain pag tumatakbo. hehehe
4. Went to a retreat, Life's Directions, with Eleni and Moe last March 12 to 14 at Karis Retreat house, Tagaytay. We actually don't have a picture the three of us together (as proof) -- sayang. It was a good weekend spent with friends and most specially with the Lord. A long overdue date (with God). :)
5. Rode a human gyro ride last March 20 at the Philippine Science Centrum in Marikina
6. March 21, Watched a movie alone. This became more literal than I expected -- because I had nothing to do on a Sunday afternoon I decided to finally try watching a movie alone. So I chose "Remember Me" as recommended by Ponch. Hala! When I entered the cinema, only another couple was watching. May up and down pa yun cinema so I was literally alone sa down area. hahahha creepy but nice na din. :) Mental note to self, next time watch a more popular movie so that there are other people around. Creepy yun thought that some creep might just sit beside you and you have no one to shout for!
7. Belly, belly, belly dancing! March 25 with officemates... Patricia Rimando invited her friend from college, Nina to teach us! We weren't very good but it was an experience... it's a good workout too! hahaha
8. Australia!! Sydney opera house, blue mountains, taronga, 12 apostles and the great ocean rode adventure, philip island and the penguin parade, up close and personal with a koala (no platypus sightings though), puffing billy
9. Milked a cow in the philip island farm
10. Had a long conversation / series of conversations with a guy stranger from the plane from Sydney to Manila
11. Wicked!!
12. Devonshire tea and high tea with Blanchita
13. Go on EMEA shift and thriving :)
14. Go out with strangers -- from LD batch 81. It was uncharacteristic of me to join a group of people whom I dont know well and present myself to join their gimmick. Good thing Len and I just took a chance and showed up in their laser tag gimmick! It's nice to meet new people... it's fun. It makes me feel free and happy again. :)
15. Finished a bottle of wine with Gino last July 31 to celebrate his and Chesca's birthday! It was a first time to have inuman with him...and just stay up all night making kwento. =)
16. Traveled to Germany...alone! This was for an almost 3 week business trip. On weekends I planned trips to Frankfurt on the first weekend, then Heidelberg on the 2nd weekend, then Hannover on the last weekend to visit Cathy. I also managed to do #17!!
17. Visit Paris!! ...and most important, do a jumpshot in front of the eiffel tower! hahaha. KG's friend, Grem, was super accommodating and brought me around...in 1 day! It was a short side trip before I flew back to Manila but I'm definitely going back... hopefully with Chesca (since we planned this like forever!).
18. Drink and appreciate beer -- this happened in Germany where the friends I made introduced me to different types of beers and blends. I like the radler beer (almost 50-50 with lemonade) because it's light but still tastes like beer and the other mix with grapefruit juice -- which actually tastes more like juice than beer. Thanks to Marieta & Richie, Taty and Susanne for introducing me to the beers! I think I drank more alcohol in those 3 weeks than in the first 6 months of this year. hahaha
19. One of my other "single" goals was to eat alone in a restaurant (just like in the movie) and I was able to successfully do this in Germany...of course! A lot of my meals I spent inside the hotel or just like a fast food chain/take out counter so it wasn't very awkward. And despite doing a lot of other things alone, I still had to gather courage to go to a restaurant and sit there, order, and eat alone. I did my best not to hurry eating and just leave. Net-net, i must say that food is still best experienced when shared. :)
20. Sing in front of strangers! It was a slow Friday night at Kiss the Cook resto of Waya and they had a guitarist. It took a looooong while before I actually gathered the courage to volunteer, and more so to sing. Wheeeeew. I can't say I sounded good, but at least I did it! Red-face and all afterwards. hahaha Not to downgrade this accomplishment, but there was around only 6 other people in the room -- including Gabe Mercado who was also dining there. Pressure noh, kse he was also singing some songs.
21. Fed my soul-- attended a short course at the Loyola School of Theology (Spirituality for Act II of your Life) which turned out to be more for middle aged people! Haha. But in any case, I was able to pick up a few items to think about regarding myself, my relationship with God, and how I should be approaching this life. I have definitely acknowledged things that have been holding me back (like fear!) and have started thinking about what my life project should be. But importantly, I have realized that I should always keep focusing on nurturing my talents because this is a form of praising God and will prepare me for my life project. :) - September 7 to October 12 (Tuesdays)
22. Namaste! I have tried Bikram yoga at Eastwood during my week long leave... it was a trial promo for beginners and I was able to attend 6 of the 7 day trial. I am not sure though how often I'm planning to continue because as much as I like being all calm and flexible, it is a little routinary. September 28 to October 4
23. 10/01/10 - John Mayer Concert!!!! "You waited 5 months...and it rains." That's what he said seeing the full crowd under a wave of umbrellas and rain coats. It was soooo awaited that even rain did not stop us from staying outside and watching him play. He was amazing. Great guitar, great vocals. Too bad he couldn't play all of my favorite songs (like Love Song for No One) but at least he was able to sing Why Georgia, No such thing, half of my heart, She Says.
24. I'm now a Ninang! Anduin (Ninay's baby) is my first inaanak sa binyag
25. [Nov 13] Boracay baby! beach, booze, bikini :P
26. Master chef Mendoza! My first try at bread with sticky pecan rolls [November 16]
Went overdrive during Christmas and New year with Foccacia, cheesecake and ribs :)
Cheese fondou c/o Lalee but plating by me hehehe
27. Completed simbang gabi :)
nice to do:
target weight / waistline --> target is 120
baking classes
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
26 has come and gone. 27 is the now
I am looking forward to this year -- a year of adventure! I want to -- no, I will do 27 new things again this year! I AM NOT OLD, I feel that my life is just beginning!
Deep inside, i don't feel that much has changed in me since high school and there's still that little school girl afraid of the world. What has changed though are all the experiences (almost 9 years of that) and help I've gotten from family and friends who has made me who I am today -- faithful, tough, optimistic and yet crazy. I've got a loooong way to go but I know that I am now headstrong and ready to face the world. I will fall and fail sometimes (oh no!) but I'll be tough and stand up again. :)
Among the greetings, I hold Tanya's close to my heart--
A blessed birthday to you:) I pray that God will continue to grant you the desires of your heart according to His perfect will and timing.
It's all in trusting the Lord because it is HE who knows what is best.
Deep inside, i don't feel that much has changed in me since high school and there's still that little school girl afraid of the world. What has changed though are all the experiences (almost 9 years of that) and help I've gotten from family and friends who has made me who I am today -- faithful, tough, optimistic and yet crazy. I've got a loooong way to go but I know that I am now headstrong and ready to face the world. I will fall and fail sometimes (oh no!) but I'll be tough and stand up again. :)
Among the greetings, I hold Tanya's close to my heart--
A blessed birthday to you:) I pray that God will continue to grant you the desires of your heart according to His perfect will and timing.
It's all in trusting the Lord because it is HE who knows what is best.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Focus and direction
i'm now reading "Rome sweet Home' and i'm happy in re-discovering my faith.
tonight's reading, i found this prayer actually given by a Christian. It's beautiful nonetheless.
Lord,
I'll go wherever you want me to go
do whatever you want me to do
say whatever you want me to say
give away whatever you want me to give away
They said, "Yield you heart to him -- trust him". This reminds me of one of MME (now Saint Marie Eugenie) famous quotes -- "My life must be a constant ‘YES!’ to God"
tonight's reading, i found this prayer actually given by a Christian. It's beautiful nonetheless.
Lord,
I'll go wherever you want me to go
do whatever you want me to do
say whatever you want me to say
give away whatever you want me to give away
They said, "Yield you heart to him -- trust him". This reminds me of one of MME (now Saint Marie Eugenie) famous quotes -- "My life must be a constant ‘YES!’ to God"
Sunday, January 03, 2010
2010 is to Taking Chances
What a timely song to find...saw this like a month ago but I'm falling in love with it more the past few days. It gives me goosebumps or that jumping tummy feeling. All I want to do is to take chances, stop living on the safe side and live more on the edge hehehehe.
Taking Chances (Sang by Celine Dion but written by Kara Dio Guardi)
Don't know much about your life.
Don't know much about your world, but
Don't want to be alone tonight,
On this planet they call earth.
You don't know about my past, and
I don't have a future figured out.
And maybe this is going too fast.
And maybe it's not meant to last,
But what do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?
I just want to start again,
And maybe you could show me how to try,
And maybe you could take me in,
Somewhere underneath your skin?
What do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?
And I had my heart beaten down,
But I always come back for more, yeah.
There's nothing like love to pull you up,
When you're laying down on the floor there.
So talk to me, talk to me,
Like lovers do.
Yeah walk with me, walk with me,
Like lovers do,
Like lovers do.
What do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?
Don't know much about your life
And I don't know much about your world
Taking Chances (Sang by Celine Dion but written by Kara Dio Guardi)
Don't know much about your life.
Don't know much about your world, but
Don't want to be alone tonight,
On this planet they call earth.
You don't know about my past, and
I don't have a future figured out.
And maybe this is going too fast.
And maybe it's not meant to last,
But what do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?
I just want to start again,
And maybe you could show me how to try,
And maybe you could take me in,
Somewhere underneath your skin?
What do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?
And I had my heart beaten down,
But I always come back for more, yeah.
There's nothing like love to pull you up,
When you're laying down on the floor there.
So talk to me, talk to me,
Like lovers do.
Yeah walk with me, walk with me,
Like lovers do,
Like lovers do.
What do you say to taking chances,
What do you say to jumping off the edge?
Never knowing if there's solid ground below
Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,
What do you say,
What do you say?
Don't know much about your life
And I don't know much about your world
Thursday, December 31, 2009
I've got a feeling, that 2010's gonna be a good year
i've got a feeling, that tonight's gonna be a good night
What's in store for me in 2010? A LOT. Because i've planned a lot, and i'm happy that I did! 2009 was a year of spontaneity. And 2010 for me will be the year that my plans push thru!
This will start with a role change at work where i'll be finally be put into a more technical role. I know it'll be difficult going back to being DM and tickets, I know i'll regret being on shift again on holidays, I know there'll be sleepless nights because of big issues but at least this is what I choose to do. (second choice that is)
Then we've got Australia with my sisters in March. I'm looking forward to that because it's the first visa-needing out of the country trip i'll have. It'll be out of Asia and it'll be a whole different season (autumn!) and enviro. OOOH, and I hope Wicked will still be showing there. To the great outback, here we come!!
And 2 years in the making, i'll have the EURO TRIP with chesca!!! We've been moving and moving this but i know this time it'll push thru. We'll be planning this ourselves so i'm expecting mistakes and inefficiencies in prices and scheduling but it will be great! mistakes and all! that's what's fun being with chesca, it doesnt really matter how many mistakes or wrong turns you made, because the journey is the adventure! Idol ko si chess! ang lakas ng loob, hehehehe.
Highschool friends are planning our first major out of the country trip too -- somewhere in asia lang. After SCs wedding. This is another experience altogether. Out with the girls -- girl bonding and girlie activities. hehehe. I know it'll be fun...and magastos. I have no idea where i'll get the money yet, but as long as I have work then it'll come. =P
Speaking of work, this year i'll be turning 5 in HP. WHEW, yes it has been THAT long. I'm actually a senior now in the team and it feels good and awful at the same time. Good because i know the ins and outs already, but awful because I know i'm getting old! hahahha, yes people are mostly younger than me nowadays. So this year, i'm looking at updating my resume. Its been great with HP but I want adventure out of the country -- Singapore specifically where it might be a good and safe place to start. I want to do this with chesca who is a seasoned OFW. hehehe If she gets a job there i'll start looking too.
And in between these major plans, I have a bucket list which will definitely go hand in hand with the 27 things I'll have to accomplish while i'm 27. Who knows, maybe i'll find love this year....maybe not. Definitely, I'll find God and thru each and every experience I'll praise Him for giving me these opportunities to experience life and share myself to the world.
What's in store for me in 2010? A LOT. Because i've planned a lot, and i'm happy that I did! 2009 was a year of spontaneity. And 2010 for me will be the year that my plans push thru!
This will start with a role change at work where i'll be finally be put into a more technical role. I know it'll be difficult going back to being DM and tickets, I know i'll regret being on shift again on holidays, I know there'll be sleepless nights because of big issues but at least this is what I choose to do. (second choice that is)
Then we've got Australia with my sisters in March. I'm looking forward to that because it's the first visa-needing out of the country trip i'll have. It'll be out of Asia and it'll be a whole different season (autumn!) and enviro. OOOH, and I hope Wicked will still be showing there. To the great outback, here we come!!
And 2 years in the making, i'll have the EURO TRIP with chesca!!! We've been moving and moving this but i know this time it'll push thru. We'll be planning this ourselves so i'm expecting mistakes and inefficiencies in prices and scheduling but it will be great! mistakes and all! that's what's fun being with chesca, it doesnt really matter how many mistakes or wrong turns you made, because the journey is the adventure! Idol ko si chess! ang lakas ng loob, hehehehe.
Highschool friends are planning our first major out of the country trip too -- somewhere in asia lang. After SCs wedding. This is another experience altogether. Out with the girls -- girl bonding and girlie activities. hehehe. I know it'll be fun...and magastos. I have no idea where i'll get the money yet, but as long as I have work then it'll come. =P
Speaking of work, this year i'll be turning 5 in HP. WHEW, yes it has been THAT long. I'm actually a senior now in the team and it feels good and awful at the same time. Good because i know the ins and outs already, but awful because I know i'm getting old! hahahha, yes people are mostly younger than me nowadays. So this year, i'm looking at updating my resume. Its been great with HP but I want adventure out of the country -- Singapore specifically where it might be a good and safe place to start. I want to do this with chesca who is a seasoned OFW. hehehe If she gets a job there i'll start looking too.
And in between these major plans, I have a bucket list which will definitely go hand in hand with the 27 things I'll have to accomplish while i'm 27. Who knows, maybe i'll find love this year....maybe not. Definitely, I'll find God and thru each and every experience I'll praise Him for giving me these opportunities to experience life and share myself to the world.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
ready to run!
i'm so excited... i just can't hide it! it will be my first run tomorrow morning. hopefully this will be the start of many more runs. ...and maybe this may be the way to get to know you-know-who. hehehe
if i could only write it all down here..i would. but for now i'd rather keep these exciting stuff in my head. =P
if i could only write it all down here..i would. but for now i'd rather keep these exciting stuff in my head. =P
Monday, December 07, 2009
dating
so i told my highschool friends to set me up on a date. the thought runs chills down my spine. what if i dont like him from the start? what to talk about? what to wear? what if we have totally nothing to talk about anymore? what to do after if you dont like him?
why go out with a complete stranger? sounds insane to me. on the other hand, it is still just as difficult and awkward to think of dating a guy friend. for one, you definitely have something to talk about. you have things in common. you know he's great to hang out with. you know how he looks and sometimes this wont matter as much coz you already know the personality -- so in a way madadala na lang yun kahit di mo talaga type. he's probably seen you in your worst and knows trash about you but likes (as in you are friends) you anyway. BUT if things turn sour then can you just go back to being friends? Won't it get weird transitioning from thinking of him as a friend to something more?
I really try not looking at guys (guy friends) as prospects so that you can see and get to know them in a very objective light. Not just seeing the pogi points but knowing them for who they really are. It makes it extra difficult though to see them in a different light afterwards. The problem with me is that if i like a person as in crush-like then i become weird around them. hahaha -- eto na ang effects of growing up in an all girls' school. I think that i'm very obvious around my crushes.... i might either just keep on smiling, be too conscious about myself, or be masungit to counter being obvious.
SO. How DO I meet my 'One'? Am I even fit for this relationship stuff? Is it meant for me to pair up or maybe i'm meant to be single forever?
why go out with a complete stranger? sounds insane to me. on the other hand, it is still just as difficult and awkward to think of dating a guy friend. for one, you definitely have something to talk about. you have things in common. you know he's great to hang out with. you know how he looks and sometimes this wont matter as much coz you already know the personality -- so in a way madadala na lang yun kahit di mo talaga type. he's probably seen you in your worst and knows trash about you but likes (as in you are friends) you anyway. BUT if things turn sour then can you just go back to being friends? Won't it get weird transitioning from thinking of him as a friend to something more?
I really try not looking at guys (guy friends) as prospects so that you can see and get to know them in a very objective light. Not just seeing the pogi points but knowing them for who they really are. It makes it extra difficult though to see them in a different light afterwards. The problem with me is that if i like a person as in crush-like then i become weird around them. hahaha -- eto na ang effects of growing up in an all girls' school. I think that i'm very obvious around my crushes.... i might either just keep on smiling, be too conscious about myself, or be masungit to counter being obvious.
SO. How DO I meet my 'One'? Am I even fit for this relationship stuff? Is it meant for me to pair up or maybe i'm meant to be single forever?
Monday, November 02, 2009
In Limbo
I like this post from Daxx (one of our parish-mates). This is what I've been doing wrong for so long. Can someone tell me and help me get out of this and reverse this so that I can now steer my own direction? Finally I have turned off all the different compasses from other people but am just going round aimlessly. I know there is only ONE compass I need, and that is God but somehow I can't truly sense it yet.
-----
The vast majority of us, since childhood, have been trying desperately to prove our worth. We try to prove our worth to our parents, teachers, friends and lovers.We become so absorbed in meeting their standards that we missed out finding our own potential.
To focus our life in proving ourselves to others is not only a loosing battle but a waste of time.
The downside of proving your worth to others is that different people has different standards of what being “worthy” means. To be obsessed in proving our worth to another person is to give that person control in your life. Now think how many persons are you trying to prove your worth?
Ten?
That mean 10 people are somehow stirring your life in 10 different directions.
Feeling dizzy?
If we give more time meeting other’s standards, we may sacrifice finding our own identity.
God did not create us to prove ourselves to others, but to live life to the full. Jesus Himself said: “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” And we shall find life’s fullness in discovering and living out our vocation. Our vocation is God’s will, calling and plan for our lives.
“Jesus said to them, "My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me and to accomplish His work.” -John 4:34
To discover and realize God’s plans for our lives is to open ourselves to unlimited possibilities that we have not even come to imagine. Living out our vocation is to let the seed of greatness that God planted in us grow. And like a small mustard seed, it shall grow into a great tree.
The road to greatness is the path of discovering our God given gifts and living out our vocation. We should stop trying to meet other people’s standards and start living in His.
In every one of us lies a great potential.
You do not need to prove it.
It is there.
What you need to do is live it.
…unlimited possibilities awaits.
Blog by Daxx Bondoc
(www.inspirationalblogs.com)
-----
The vast majority of us, since childhood, have been trying desperately to prove our worth. We try to prove our worth to our parents, teachers, friends and lovers.We become so absorbed in meeting their standards that we missed out finding our own potential.
To focus our life in proving ourselves to others is not only a loosing battle but a waste of time.
The downside of proving your worth to others is that different people has different standards of what being “worthy” means. To be obsessed in proving our worth to another person is to give that person control in your life. Now think how many persons are you trying to prove your worth?
Ten?
That mean 10 people are somehow stirring your life in 10 different directions.
Feeling dizzy?
If we give more time meeting other’s standards, we may sacrifice finding our own identity.
God did not create us to prove ourselves to others, but to live life to the full. Jesus Himself said: “I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” And we shall find life’s fullness in discovering and living out our vocation. Our vocation is God’s will, calling and plan for our lives.
“Jesus said to them, "My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me and to accomplish His work.” -John 4:34
To discover and realize God’s plans for our lives is to open ourselves to unlimited possibilities that we have not even come to imagine. Living out our vocation is to let the seed of greatness that God planted in us grow. And like a small mustard seed, it shall grow into a great tree.
The road to greatness is the path of discovering our God given gifts and living out our vocation. We should stop trying to meet other people’s standards and start living in His.
In every one of us lies a great potential.
You do not need to prove it.
It is there.
What you need to do is live it.
…unlimited possibilities awaits.
Blog by Daxx Bondoc
(www.inspirationalblogs.com)
Sunday, November 01, 2009
500 days of summer
I loved how they got a long really well and the fun they got into. Tom is a "nice guy" (you know the quote, nice guys finish last) and he really grew onto me. All throughout, I was still wishing hoping that she'll change her mind about relationships specially that they really had great chemistry. Awww... but they were just not meant to be. SAD. Had a good time watching with Len, Elds and Moe -- the singles club. hahaha
Some ouch quotes (the last one particularly struck me)
Tom: You don't want to be named as someone's boyfriend, and now your someone's wife
~~
Summer: You weren't wrong, Tom. You were just wrong about me.
~~
Rachel Hansen: Tom, I know you think she was the one, but I don't. Next time you look back, I think you should look again.
~~
Some ouch quotes (the last one particularly struck me)
Tom: You don't want to be named as someone's boyfriend, and now your someone's wife
~~
Summer: You weren't wrong, Tom. You were just wrong about me.
~~
Rachel Hansen: Tom, I know you think she was the one, but I don't. Next time you look back, I think you should look again.
~~
Summer: I woke up one morning and I just knew.
Tom: Knew what?
Summer: What I was never sure of with you.
Tom: Knew what?
Summer: What I was never sure of with you.
And some awww quotes
Paul: Robin is better than the girl of my dreams. She's real.
~~
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Everything
there's this little spark of hope deep inside of me that there might be someone for me out there =) I close my eyes and think about it, feel it sinking in and chills run thru me. The kind of chills that give you a sense of happiness and excitement, but at the same time draws the same feeling of fear and uncertainty.
And there's this song that captures how i'd like to feel when i find my ONE...
You’re a falling star, You’re the get away car.
You’re the line in the sand when I go too far.
You’re the swimming pool, on an August day.
And you’re the perfect thing to see.
And you play it coy, but it’s kinda cute.
Ah, When you smile at me you know exactly what you do.
Baby don’t pretend, that you don’t know it’s true.
Cause you can see it when I look at you.
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy time
It’s you, it’s you, You make me sing.
You’re every line, you’re every word, you’re everything.
You’re a carousel, you’re a wishing well,
And you light me up, when you ring my bell.
You’re a mystery, you’re from outer space,
You’re every minute of my everyday.
And I can’t believe, uh that I’m your man,
And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.
Whatever comes our way, ah we’ll see it through,
And you know that’s what our love can do.
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It’s you, it’s you, You make me sing
You’re every line, you’re every word, you’re everything.
So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La
So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It’s you, it’s you, You make me sing.
You’re every line, you’re every word, you’re everything.
You’re every song, and I sing along.
Cause you’re my everything.
Yeah, yeah
So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La
So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La
And there's this song that captures how i'd like to feel when i find my ONE...
You’re a falling star, You’re the get away car.
You’re the line in the sand when I go too far.
You’re the swimming pool, on an August day.
And you’re the perfect thing to see.
And you play it coy, but it’s kinda cute.
Ah, When you smile at me you know exactly what you do.
Baby don’t pretend, that you don’t know it’s true.
Cause you can see it when I look at you.
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy time
It’s you, it’s you, You make me sing.
You’re every line, you’re every word, you’re everything.
You’re a carousel, you’re a wishing well,
And you light me up, when you ring my bell.
You’re a mystery, you’re from outer space,
You’re every minute of my everyday.
And I can’t believe, uh that I’m your man,
And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.
Whatever comes our way, ah we’ll see it through,
And you know that’s what our love can do.
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It’s you, it’s you, You make me sing
You’re every line, you’re every word, you’re everything.
So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La
So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La
And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times
It’s you, it’s you, You make me sing.
You’re every line, you’re every word, you’re everything.
You’re every song, and I sing along.
Cause you’re my everything.
Yeah, yeah
So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La
So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La
Monday, October 26, 2009
EMO moment
Found this in the drafts of my phone. I usually have these moments when it's traffic and I'm on my way home or walking to my dad's office after work. After a long day, when the noise and buzz in the office is gone, I find some silence and get to listen to myself.
8/26: In the homeroom class when I was a high school freshman, we were asked to share our dreams. I was not very far from who I am now -- I said that I wanted to be happy. I didn't have any specifics because I didn't want to make plans involving other people because I had no control over them. Looking back, I realize that I really never made plans or dreams for myself at all. I now understand why this caught our guidance counselor's attention. It was a bad move and now it can't be undone. I had been moving aimlessly in no particular direction these 26 years. What I CAN DO is to start making plans. To start figuring out what I want for myself.
And I'm happy that I've started doing this...baby steps at least. Ultimate dream would be to work in Google -- but I know that would entail a LOT of sacrifice but i'm not sure if that's something I'm willing to give. The rest are in my bucket list. :)
8/26: In the homeroom class when I was a high school freshman, we were asked to share our dreams. I was not very far from who I am now -- I said that I wanted to be happy. I didn't have any specifics because I didn't want to make plans involving other people because I had no control over them. Looking back, I realize that I really never made plans or dreams for myself at all. I now understand why this caught our guidance counselor's attention. It was a bad move and now it can't be undone. I had been moving aimlessly in no particular direction these 26 years. What I CAN DO is to start making plans. To start figuring out what I want for myself.
And I'm happy that I've started doing this...baby steps at least. Ultimate dream would be to work in Google -- but I know that would entail a LOT of sacrifice but i'm not sure if that's something I'm willing to give. The rest are in my bucket list. :)
Monday, October 12, 2009
27 around the corner
its almost the end of the year and i can feel that 27 (years) is itching around the corner. the year just passed me by! i've been 26 for --- let me count -- almost 8 months and what have i accomplished??! that's the story of my life. each of those 26 years where i've been waiting for things to happen. IT ENDS NOW! (well yesterday actually when i thought of this blog entry)
I promise to myself that every year i have to try X number of new things or goals. (X being my age). hahaha yes math talk. SO since i've got barely 4 months, i have to catch up with the 26 targets!
Things i've done
1. Visit Singapore-- July 2009 with Karina and ivan
2. Try lots and lots of new places to eat (that's another list altogether)
3. Sky walk and ride in Cebu -- August 2009 trip with officemates
4. Wake boarding in Camsur (only successful with knee boarding though), visited Caramoan and saw the Mayon volcano in Legaspi! -- November 2009
5. Jumped off a 30 ft high bridge after white river rafting in CDO with sistas, pao, ivan and gab -- November 2009
6. bought myself a camera....which this time i'll actually use -- July 2009 in Sing
7. Learning classical guitar at the parish (and tried playing violin at the office) -- later end of 2009
8. target to lose weight by November --be back at my 120 lbs or under 125 lbs at least
9. building a web tool (with Eleni) -- staggered all year hehehe
10. tried smoking (Tish's visit last February) ....and shisha too. i liked shisha better
11. watch a whole lot of musicals --spelling bee and spring awakening (and got a picture with Sitti and Joaquin) and your songs with Lea Salonga this December (may autograph pa!)
12. spelunking in Pangasinan with the family (and sina tito efren)
13. big change in my hair color ...yes reddish brown. and i love it!
14. went out on a date (with Moe after tennis last December 30) -- this should count because it was dinner and it was just the 2 of us... KKB nga lang hahaha
15. get SAP certified -- December 4
16. watched David Archuleta and David Cook live in Manila! woot woot!
17. paint the house lifestyle channel-style. Yes we did this after the workers installed the new windows. It was so fun doing this with the siblings. =) Surprisingly we're good at it! hahaha
18. attend yoga and cycling (and even regularly hit the gym)
19. drove with eleni to a radio station to get free tickets to the last eheads concert....and we watched the same night! this is in one of the most spontaneous things i've ever done
20. learned how to jumpstart a car
21. tried (not successful) skim boarding with officemates -- May 2009
22. run a marathon - 5k last December 20 with Teri and Paul
23. watch in 3D -- harry potter and avatar!
24. get closer to GOD
25. get voter's ID (half point) and naubusan ng gas (half point)
26. drank a lot of alcohol, nearly drunk and even threw up! hahahaha
I promise to myself that every year i have to try X number of new things or goals. (X being my age). hahaha yes math talk. SO since i've got barely 4 months, i have to catch up with the 26 targets!
Things i've done
1. Visit Singapore-- July 2009 with Karina and ivan
2. Try lots and lots of new places to eat (that's another list altogether)
3. Sky walk and ride in Cebu -- August 2009 trip with officemates
4. Wake boarding in Camsur (only successful with knee boarding though), visited Caramoan and saw the Mayon volcano in Legaspi! -- November 2009
5. Jumped off a 30 ft high bridge after white river rafting in CDO with sistas, pao, ivan and gab -- November 2009
6. bought myself a camera....which this time i'll actually use -- July 2009 in Sing
7. Learning classical guitar at the parish (and tried playing violin at the office) -- later end of 2009
8. target to lose weight by November --be back at my 120 lbs or under 125 lbs at least
9. building a web tool (with Eleni) -- staggered all year hehehe
10. tried smoking (Tish's visit last February) ....and shisha too. i liked shisha better
11. watch a whole lot of musicals --spelling bee and spring awakening (and got a picture with Sitti and Joaquin) and your songs with Lea Salonga this December (may autograph pa!)
12. spelunking in Pangasinan with the family (and sina tito efren)
13. big change in my hair color ...yes reddish brown. and i love it!
14. went out on a date (with Moe after tennis last December 30) -- this should count because it was dinner and it was just the 2 of us... KKB nga lang hahaha
15. get SAP certified -- December 4
16. watched David Archuleta and David Cook live in Manila! woot woot!
17. paint the house lifestyle channel-style. Yes we did this after the workers installed the new windows. It was so fun doing this with the siblings. =) Surprisingly we're good at it! hahaha
18. attend yoga and cycling (and even regularly hit the gym)
19. drove with eleni to a radio station to get free tickets to the last eheads concert....and we watched the same night! this is in one of the most spontaneous things i've ever done
20. learned how to jumpstart a car
21. tried (not successful) skim boarding with officemates -- May 2009
22. run a marathon - 5k last December 20 with Teri and Paul
23. watch in 3D -- harry potter and avatar!
24. get closer to GOD
25. get voter's ID (half point) and naubusan ng gas (half point)
26. drank a lot of alcohol, nearly drunk and even threw up! hahahaha
Monday, October 05, 2009
another one for the list
Just watched august rush and i can cross this one out in my list! Definitely i'll keep this in my ipod to listen to over and over. i must download the soundtrack!!
To Eat:
I'm so happy that i'm getting somewhere in my lists. Typical that the places to eat get to be updated the most. haha
To Watch (in no particular order)
August Rush- 5Oct09- Bridget Jones Diary
- Notebook (i've seen this but just want to re-watch)
- Terms of Endearment
- When Harry met Sally (another re-watch)
- Steel Magnolias
- Let the right one in
IP ManYes Man- Shawshank Redemption
- Monsters vs. Aliens
- Public Enemies
- The Reader
- Revolutionary Road
Wall-e
- Imbis Stueb @ Wilson : eat all you can sausage (in front of Dec)
- Choi garden ?
Uncle Cheffys @ Eastwood- Ristra's @ Wilson
Charlie's @ Pioneer : steak, black angus burger- Khao Pad @ Ortigas Home depot : what used to be Thai kitchen at UP
- Cocina Juan @ teacher's village, i think
Dave's Onstot Yogurt @ pioneerBuffalo's @ Metrowalk
- Visit each continent (kahit hindi Antarctica)
- Go to Greece (mama mia style)
- Backpack in Egypt
- Europe!! Must go to: Spain, Rome, Venice, Eiffel, Louvre, and lots more!!
- New York - for broadway and US Open
- Watch a tennis grandslam ... any of them!
- South america
- Sky dive
- See aurora Borealis / Northern lights
Sunday, September 06, 2009
things i have to do alone
inspired by 'and i love her so' (hahaha, yeah the tagalog movie!)
1. watch a movie
2. eat in a restaurant
3. travel out of town (possibly by plane or road trip)
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
where am i going?
i wonder what i'm doing to my life. am i going in circles? am i going aimlessly in a straight direction? can someone show me a compass? I actually know the answer... i need to decide on a destination. haaay.
Life is short. Have. To. Choose. Now.
Saturday, September 01, 2007
crazy over hairspray
Watched hairspray with lou, rain and alan last weekend (the 2 guys not knowing what they got into.hehehe). I could not help but think of Chesca the whole time -- no, Tracy did not remind me of her! It's just a movie that I knew she would have loved and it would be a blast watching with her. I bet kikiligin si Chess kay Zach Efron (the high school musical guy). Who would have imagined the cyclops guy could sing and dance! And I never imagined how John Travolta could play a lady... a fat lady at that. Super daming mga famous actors, which I think made it a little interesting coz it's just a non-typical movie.
Good thing they started making the musicals into films. Good thing they're staging Avenue Q here, too. Can't wait!
Friday, August 31, 2007
goodbye gilmore girls
It's really sad that Gilmore girls has already ended. I've been catching up for the past few weeks on the 7th season not knowing that the episodes were the last. It's overwhelming how the events turned out watching the last 4 episodes for the past hours. It's such a shame that it didn't work out with Logan (cute!)... I really thought things were going okay. Well, that was what I thought of Christopher & Lorelai -- and that turned out sour as well.
Oh, i just love Rory and Lorelai's witty remarks, fast-paced talking, crazy ideas and just their chemistry! It's like something has really ended, and it's sad not knowing how things will be. I just want to watch them and see what happens. I'm attached! I'll miss Rory and Lorelai. (I'd like to be like them)
Gosh, really got myself addicted to this series. *Yawn* Now i'll just have to keep up with my own life. *Yawn* heheheh
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