blue, down, and out

it must be the hormones. PMS.
I hope it is coz I just want this over sensitive, emotional, negative, depressed stage to be over.

I don't get it. I don't get me. The slightest things make me feel disconnected from the people around me. It's like, I am retracting myself from what's happening around me in order to avoid being affected -- hurt. It's been a little roller coaster for me for only one aspect of my life...but 2 fridays ago, I noticed that I'd have non talkative moods that I wished I wasn't noticed at all at work. I'd choose the conversations and would not be sociable. Then there was last Friday that I became sensitive over a joke from Moe. I didn't realize that I was upset about it until after. It was like i was blocking out what happened while it was happening and I can't remember details. I just remember clearly that I said "not interested" and that was already sarcasm bordering nasty. I didn't deal with it well. Instead of trying to make things better with Moe when he apologized thru text, I continued to feel upset -- yet trying to get over it. It felt more like, trying to to feel anything.

And now, my shunning the world (or just 1 person), has escalated to being embarrassed that I got upset...and has made me feel weird, and cautious towards Moe. I'm not sure if he thinks i'm still mad...or i'm just not interacting with him. Pero it just feels weird to feel close to him like it was before. It's like i crossed a line and can't go back. And that also makes me just want to crawl back into my cave.

Mood swings, when are you going to end? I feel like the life got squeezed out of me. I feel cynical things in the real world will not go my way. It's like i'm waiting for the next mistake to come my way...and so i'm just crawling back into my cave.