Day 1: The Ladder of Temptations
Lord, i have lost touch with you. I have been complacent in nourishing our relationship that I let my sins and shame get in the way of spending time with you. Like the prodigal son, I ran away from you. But I know that life is not meaningful without you. Yet I can't get back to you. I don't know how to. I try to do good deeds and follow your commandments yet I doubt myself if I do this for Your glory...or is it for my own. I yearn to strengthen my relationship with you! I want to know you more! I want to fall in love with you! Why can't it be just simple, why do i have to make things too complicated? Or do i really? Grant me the grace, Lord, to decipher whether this road back to you is really difficult. Is it something I have to earn first by learning more about you thru the doctrine? Am i just impatient? Or am i doing things wrong and thinking too much -- preventing myself from actually rebuilding the relationship.
Grant me the humility, above all things, to acknowledge my weaknesses. I think that in doing so, I will be more aware of my other shortcomings that prevent me to return to you. Grant me the wisdom to hear you and see you in the daily happenings of my life. Grant me the silence in my heart so I can turn off distractions and focus my attention on you.
Day 2: The Ladder of Trials
HOW MUCH CONFIDENCE DO YOU SHOW IN THE LOVING PROVIDENCE OF GOD? I know this in my mind...but I find myself wanting to feel it in my heart. Knowing is not the same as believing and having faith. I do have faith, but maybe I do not see God's providence in the simple and everyday events in my life.
I am actually lucky to have been blessed with a goodlife. I have loving parents, we have the things we need - a beautiful house, a great community, healthy bodies, great working atmosphere and officemates who are God fearing.
Maybe one of the things why I do not blame God for my seemingly suffering is that I firmly believe that I brought these things upon myself. Looking back, the biggest trials seem to be related to Alan. But in both cases instead of feeling abandoned i felt that i was being called. Called back. Maybe for some time i felt emptied, but it was because I failed to see what I had gained by taking that away. I was not seeing clearly that it was God's will and He has a greater plan for me. Maybe the difficulty God is distinguishing whether things that happen is part of your plan or is this something that we brought upon ourself. Like a consequence of wrong doing. I know you are a merciful and forgiving God, but I can't help myself from thinking that.
"Your experience of nothingness is God's way of telling you, 'I am your ALL.' "
Lk. 23:46 Father, into your hands I commend my spirit
Day 2: The Ladder of Truth
Bring to Jesus your heart. Allow Him to fill it with meaning. Talk to Him on how to find
His will... Ask God to reveal to you your purpose in life, that which you are most passionate about. What is first in your life?
Isn't this just timely?
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