Rough Patch

I've been having a difficult time at work for the past months. I know why but I don't know how to fix it. Remember my Germany trip last August? Let's just say I've been paying for that. I'm getting stressed with this new module which was the reason I was sent.

First, I'm having difficulty learning this new module. It's been 6 months since the trip, and I'm not confident to say that I truly understand this new module. I've got my faults because when I got back I was preoccupied with other roles and I was not able to put to practice what I learned. I really got practical experience only this January when I really started involving myself in the issues. Don't get me wrong, I've been learning. But I feel it's always a catch up. I feel that everyone else is learning more than me. Everyone else knows more than me.

I'm happy for them, I sure am! The problem is that, I'm supposed to be third level support for this module. They are supposed to escalate to me. But how can I support them when I know less? There's this expectation for me to be an expert in this field and right now I'm not. It's a good thing that Fabio is still here and we can escalate to him. But I don't know if I'm learning fast enough. I want to ask questions, but I'm afraid to look to stupid. L2, specially Benson, already has a lot of experience.

Sometimes when the whole situation sinks in, it just makes me sad. It makes me feel how I fall short of expectations. I want to cry. But i know it will not do me any good. But I just want a good cry because I know I'm not strong and I don't have what it takes. I'm failing.

I don't want to quit. I need help. I don't know how to ask for it. I don't want to keep on failing. I need help.